R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Ten Tangible Teachings
This short video clip is one of the most consistent lessons I have taught over the past thirty years. Despite all my blathering this is still one of the most difficult habits to break.
Unfortunately because we still retain much of the physiology we have from our cave dwelling days a great deal of our internal dialogue is wasted on resisting what is.
Nothing we have ever done or ever will do can change the past. Resisting the present is a waste of now. As they say “it is what it is”. Saying it and believing it in our hearts is are two very different things. One of the things I resist the most is being disrespected. It would probably take a great deal of therapy to understand exactly why being condescended to is such a trigger but I am not alone.
In a twenty year study of violence in prisons the number one phrase associated with acts of violence was disrespect. The psychologists Martin Daly and Margo Wilson estimated that two-thirds of all murders were the result of men feeling that they had been disrespected and acting to save face[i]. Being disrespected activates a primitive sense of insecurity and insignificance. We are not unlike the average member of a baboon tribe who looks to the alpha male to affirm their importance every 20 to 30 seconds.
William James described it best when he said “The deepest craving in human nature is the carving to be appreciated”. The flip side of that would be the biggest “dis” in the world is to be disrespected.
Resolving the associated discontent is dependent on the extent to which leadership is willing or capable of considering fundamental change. If leaders are receptive to systemic improvements then relatively simple adjustments will make a profound and sustainable change to both personal performance and job satisfaction.
If, on the other hand, leaders are happy with “the way things are” then we focus only on our “circle of influence” available to frontline team members.
Ten ideas you can implement regardless of your position are:
- Why “seeing” is more inner collaboration than outward observation
- Why “IT” is never about you
- Why what we resist persists
- How to battle distress by adding eustress
- Why every communication is always a distortion.
- How to generate energy and reduce stress by understanding how our 15th-century physiology distorts our perception of the world.
- How to never take anything personally.
- Why those difficult people may not be so difficult after all.
- How to make “problems” a source of energy.
- Relearn the negative impact of the three Rs (Resist-Resent-Revenge).
- Back to Sanity: Healing the Madness of Our Minds By Steve Taylor